Protected: Dear Ben,
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
depression
It Doesn’t FEEL Okay to Have Feelings
Trigger warning: Yeah, I’m fucked up. I talk about wanting to die, and wanting to kill myself, and how terrible my life feels sometimes. You can go read something else if you don’t want to think those thoughts. I’m not the happy-go-lucky bachelor I was at the beginning of this blog. I should probably just …
Blame
When something goes wrong, it seems like everyone wants someone or something to blame. Maybe it’s in our nature to shift responsibility, to clear our conscience. I’ve been stewing on this for days now, and it would be so damned easy to blame Depression for my actions, blame my father for being a role model …
Lordy, Lordy
I’ve debated about whether or not to post this, because “real people” (such as my family and physical friends) read it as well as my Internet friends. But I think I’m going to put it out there, because I’ve learned that it’s okay to have feelings and, when you tell other people about your feelings, …
The Cave of Depression
And when you’re sick you seem to think you’ve failed eternally And that the people you let in are only crumbling When you’re sick of faking life in this recovery When my decisions paved the road that lies in front of me So to my friends that even call but I don’t call back I …
‘Tis the Season…
DISCLAIMER: I’m not suicidal. I’ll let you know if that changes, before it’s too late to do anything about it. It’s that time of year again, and my mood has already started to shift. This could also be due to some recent stress at work (more than the usual amount) and the complete lack of …
Hopeless, Bleak Despair
I’m sitting in my house, listening to They Might Be Giants (who are currently singing a song by the same title as this post) and other songs that are meant to be happy ones in the hopes that it will improve my mood. It’s not working. The rest of this post might be a big …
The First Black Night of December
Nine days of sunshine in the month of depression was a pretty good run, I think. Last night, however, the run ended, and my Santa hat had been left at work, unable to save me from despair. I fought it off as best I could, but in the end, I drank myself into a stupor …
December Adventure Log: Day Six
Last night was the first full night of sleep I’ve gotten since Saturday. Why was I so tired? I tortured myself. I pushed myself too hard on the treadmill as soon as I got home, doubling my usual jog speed and running twice as far. I thought I was having a heart attack, so I …