I haven’t written in a couple of day because there’s not a lot to say. I don’t know how many posts I can write that basically say “I miss her and I’m sad and I feel awful about making her sad because of my fuck up.”
I left the house today for my first non-parental social visit with friends. I didn’t cry in front of them, though I felt like I might at any point. We didn’t really talk about it, which is probably for the best at this point. It was good to see them, and it was good to eat Mexican food again for the first time in over a year and a half. Coming back into the house afterwards, though, was like walking into this cloud of gloom. That was when I cried.
I’m ignoring calls from my Mom now. I just can’t deal with her anymore. From her bad advice to her well-intentioned-but-poorly-phrased suggestions that always come across as insults, it’s just too much. She’s trying to be supportive, I know.
I’m going to go for a walk. I’ll try not to get hit by a car this time.