As Promised…

All right… so it’s been a long time since I really posted anything “meaty.” When I say “meaty,” I’m referring to something that’s about me, and what I’m feeling/doing… you know, the sort of thing that I should be writing all the time. It’s an online journal, after all. No one came here because they wanted to hear my thoughts on movies. So here we go…
It’s been a year since Strutter and I broke up, and while that was a depressing event in itself, it was not the cause of my depression. I’ve been depressed, off and on, for a very long time. The earliest I can remember is college, though I think there were probably some times in high school too. Every time, I had always attributed it to something: Some girl and I broke up. Things aren’t going the way I want them to at work. Just run-of-the-mill problems that I could say everyone was having. But that wasn’t quite right. Sure, I had shitty things happen to me every once in awhile, but my depression was unrelated. Last year, I finally decided to mention it to my mother, and then my doctor, and we tried some medicine that didn’t really do anything but give me the runs and a few periods of euphoria every day. After that trial, I didn’t bother renewing the prescription and I swept it all under the rug. Back in January I wrote an entry here that got me a few concerned messages. I sort of turned the focus of that message into one about relationships and away from the “Something Is Wrong With My Brain” topic. But ever since that post, there have been stretches of that same crushing sadness, sometimes lasting weeks at a time. September was really bad… and so I decided it was time to go back to the doctor and maybe try a different medicine. I’ve only been on it for a little over a week now, so I can’t say if it’s helping or if I just happen to be in a “not sad” phase.
But anyway, that is my explanation for not writing. After the backlash of the depressing post in January, I really didn’t want to post anything else like that, because I didn’t want to talk about my feelings with real-life friends/family. And since I couldn’t talk about that, and there wasn’t anything else really going on in my life, I kept putting up bullshit posts like Netflix reviews. (Not that my reviews are bullshit, per se. I stand by my opinions on the movies I rate.) Will I start writing regularly again? I can’t say. I guess we’ll find out together.
Now, I don’t want to end on a down-note, so I will talk about that picture below…
Today is Halloween, and work had a costume contest. I didn’t really want to compete in the contest, but I thought it would be amusing to dress up. But what costume would fit my “too lazy to make a costume” and “too cheap to buy a costume” stances? I decided to do what girls do in this situation… dress as a slutty cat. Since I’d be wearing it to work, and also because I really don’t own any tights, I skipped the slutty part and just settled for black jeans and a black tee shirt, which is what I would wear to work anyway, accompanied by a tail, fake ears, and some painted on whiskers. I also wore it all day. I wore it to lunch, where I got several compliments, and I wore it to the coffee house, where the barrista barista coffee-making lady couldn’t stop giggling, and I wore it to the grocery store on the way home, where everyone in there smiled, or giggled, or laughed outright when I made eye contact with them. Everyone but one… there was this little Hispanic girl riding in a shopping cart who kept glaring at me every time our carts passed in the aisle. As luck would have it, she ended up behind me in the checkout lane, and I couldn’t help myself.
“Why are you so mad when you see me?” I asked.
“Because only girls are supposed to be kitties!” she answered. “And you’re a booooooooy!” (She dragged that last word out.)
“But that’s what makes it funny,” I retorted. “I’m a boy dressed as a kitty. It’s a funny costume.”
“Halloween is serious, Mister,” she said. “You get free candy!”
So there you have it. Halloween is serious, Mister.

3 thoughts on “As Promised…”

  1. For the record… I thought your costume was brilliant! Also, hope you get the depression stuff worked out – I understand how it feels, and no one should have to live like that.
    PS – Hope it’s not weird that I still read your blog. Despite all the drama with Strutter and I back in the day, and the fact that I barely see/talk to ya these days – I still care about both of you. So deal. lol!

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