Winter Solstice

It’s no secret that I usually don’t enjoy celebrating my birthday.  Part of it is that I don’t like the attention.  So, I apologize if I’ve rolled my eyes every time my phone has beeped this morning to notify me of a text message/Facebook update from one of you well-wishers.  I appreciate the thought, despite hating the attention.  It’s a confusing place, my brain.
I suppose I should bring things up to speed.  It’s going to be more of a flow-of-consciousness post and not very organized.
I’m still single.  Strutter and the dogs have moved out, save a carload of stuff that is sitting in the den and kitchen.  She hasn’t been back to pick them up because I’m sick.  I’ve been sick for five weeks now.  What started as a chest cold became bronchitis, which has become pneumonia.  Apparently it’s “walking pneumonia” since I’m not laid out in bed and miserable.  I took most of last week off and stayed in bed, taking my antibiotics, my Mucinex, and hitting my inhaler every 4-6 hours as directed, and there has been no improvement.  So I decided to go back to work instead of wasting every sick day I have.  It works out, too, because a full work day is just enough to leave me exhausted, and I go home and usually go right to bed.  (I did, however, have to move a computer into the bedroom.  I can’t be without my internets.)
I spent Thanksgiving week in Edisto with my parents and our friends that I think of as family.  It was a good week, despite having bronchitis.  We did some off-shore fishing.  We ate incredibly unhealthy food.  And I got to read all three Stieg Larson books.  I even took the playstation 3 down and introduced the children to Little Big Planet, which provided hours of amusement.  It gave me the time I needed to keep my mind off of the fact that the house would be empty when I got back.
It’s exciting and depressing to be alone in the house again.  It’s exciting to be able to do what I want, when I want, without having to worry about how it will affect someone else.  (Although, this has pretty much been limited to hanging a mirror on the wall and temporarily moving a computer into the bedroom.  But it’s the IDEA that’s exciting.)  It’s depressing because… well, it’s lonely.  I miss Strutter and the dogs.  (Although I do not miss having to get up every hour to stop Taj from over-drinking.)  The funniest thing about being in an empty house is the amount of sounds you hear.  They are all normal sounds, mind you, nothing supernatural.  But the sound of the thermostat turning on is incredibly loud when it isn’t masked by the sound of dogs snoring, or a television being on.
And finally, I talked to my doctor about Lexapro.  Okay, not specifically about Lexapro.  About the fact that I’m not normally a happy person.  Granted, with all the changes going on in my life over the past month, it was probably a bad time to start taking an anti-depressant.  I can say this, though.  Serotonin makes your digestive system REALLY efficient!  I guess they can’t make a pill that only increases serotonin in your brain, so it increases it everywhere.  But aside from that shitty side effect, pun intended, my dreams got crazy.  I don’t remember what they were about, only that they were incredibly fast paced, jumpy, and confusing.  If you’ve watched The Bourne Surpemacy then I can best describe the dreams as one of the fight scenes from that movie.  Quick camera changes.  Unsteady camera shots.  Nauseating, really.  I would keep waking up from these dreams breathless and on-edge, as if I were about to flee the house for whatever reason.  They weren’t scary dreams, just action-packed.  So I stopped taking that once my month’s supply ran out.  I think I’ll put off going back to the doctor until everything else in my life calms down a little.
That about sums up events in the Life of Stuck.  I may post my thoughts on the books I’ve read, or the movies I’ve watched (Dance Flick, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of  the Sucky Suck, and The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard) or some of the games I’ve started playing (Dwarf Fortress, Eve, and World of Warcraft’s Cataclysm expansion).  But for now, I figured I’d throw out a post that catches everyone up (despite the fact that no one reads this anymore), lets you all know that I’m not dead (despite having pneumonia), and to thank everyone for their birthday wishes (despite the fact that they annoy me).
MERRY CHRISTMAS, NO ONE!  (It’s a 30 Rock reference.  Hilarious show, really.)

3 thoughts on “Winter Solstice”

  1. I’d read if you’ll write. I’m with you on the birthday thing. I’m glad people remember, but I hate the attention. We’re soulmates. If only you were a woman …
    Merry Christmas, Stuck.

  2. Just came back to your site for the first time in several months. Now I’ll be catching up on old posts. Sorry to hear you’re feeling under the weather. Merry Christmas and feel better soon!

  3. Stuck–
    Sorry to hear the Lexapro didn’t work out. I do believe chemical balance is SO important to happiness and sometimes we need a little help with that. I of the most perfect life ever (2 kids, great hubby, nice house, wonderful job) have been taking something for 2 months now. Everyone can get there. It’s the getting out that’s hard. Mine has helped tremendously– maybe you need a different chemical. (Wellbutrin for me) But, I do think the act of talking it out with my hubbie (who thought I hated him) and getting it all “out there” was a big part of digging out of the hole.
    Keep chatting about it. Keep looking for help– whether that’s a walk around the block to release endorphins, a dog or cat to bring some company, or a chemical without the side effects!
    love you

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