Too Much Information

When I was 18, my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer. It was rather invasive, but the doctor managed to cut it all out, and she’s been in remission ever since. Since colon cancer is a hereditary disease, the doctor recommended that I go ahead and have myself checked. The procedure is called a sigmoidoscopy, and it was so unpleasant that I put off my ten-year checkup indefinitely.
Recently, though, I was given a reminder that I want to be around for awhile, and should schedule that. The procedure, thankfully, no longer involves that painful sigmoid scope. Now it’s just a colonoscopy, and they go twice as far in. The advantage this time is that they knock you out. The part I wasn’t looking forward to was the day of prep required, which happened to be Sunday.
Saturday night, I had some serious lower back pain, as if I’d pulled a muscle. It was so bad that I couldn’t sleep more than an hour without it waking me up. Because of the upcoming colonoscopy, I’m not allowed to take aspirin or ibuprofen. I’m also not allowed to drink. So all of my preferred numbing agents are not an option.
Sunday morning, the pain was even worse after giving it a night without stretching it out. I can’t describe how painful it is outside of saying that getting up off of the floor and into a chair made me pass out. Twice. Strutter wanted to help, but I’m too proud to let her see me helpless, so I came home by myself. I had to pull over twice because I was so light-headed.
I also have a schedule to follow for today, which mainly consists of drinking a cup of water every hour, with two exciting drugs thrown in for fun. I’ve decided to keep an ongoing log of the events, and post this later. This post might get too gross, so be warned. 🙂
8:00am – I drank my first prescribed glass of water. This is after two other glasses that I had around 5:00 because I couldn’t sleep. I also took three Tylenol. Apparently Tylenol is allowed because it doesn’t do anything to my body… including numbing any pain.
9:00am – Sat up for almost ten minutes after my glass of water. Pain is excruciating, and I’m wondering how this is going to affect tomorrow.
10:00am – Drank another glass of water. It’s ridiculous how full I am. I can hear and feel the water sloshing around in my stomach. I don’t think I can drink another glass in an hour.
11:00am – Forced half a glass of water down. If I tried to drink any more than that, I’d throw it up. What’s really amazing to me is that I can be SO hungry right now, but so full of water at the same time.
12:00pm – Took another two Tylenol. I don’t know why I bothered, since the last dose didn’t do anything. I also drank the first prescribed laxative, Phospho-Soda. I’m having a very hard time not throwing it up, but I will keep it down. The thought of drinking it again is worse than the thought of throwing up. I’m putting in Four Rooms to watch while it takes effect.
1:00pm – Drank a few sips of water. I’m in pain, I feel like I’m going to throw up, and I know that the laxative s going to kick in far too soon.
2:00pm – I’ve made three trips to the bathroom in one hour. Now I see why they wanted me to drink so much water. The pain in my back has not subsided, but I’m sure it makes my urgent stumblings to the bathroom look quite comical.
3:00pm – Finished watching Four Rooms. Total trips to the bathroom is up to five now. I tried drinking some water. I immediately burped up most of it, and it tasted like the artificial lemon of the laxative. To top off the misery, I’m getting a migraine.
4:00pm – Strutter sent me a text message to check on me, which made me feel a lot better. It’s funny how unscientific that is, but it’s still true. I skipped my water. There’s no way I can drink another one. I’m up to six bathroom trips now. I think I’m going to try and get some sleep in before the next laxatives at 6:00.
5:00pm – Dad called and left a message checking on me. It woke me up just as I was about to drift off to sleep, but I still appreciated it. I drank half a glass of water. I haven’t gone back to the bathroom yet, which I take as a small blessing.
6:00pm – A storm rolled in and the thunder makes me even more sleepy, if that were possible. I feel like I’m drugged, except without the numbness. I just drank a glass of water and took four of the laxative pills. (The maximum dosage on the box is two.) Tonight should be a lot of fun.
9:30pm – I managed to get a couple of hours sleep before the stomach cramps woke me up. I’m surprised there’s anything left inside me to evacuate.
6:30am – I managed to get another hour of sleep in last night, but the pain in my back and in my stomach, combined with the almost constant trips to the bathroom, kept me awake for most of the night. Strutter is on her way over to pick me up and drive me in to the hospital soon.
9:00pm – The procedure was over before I knew it because they knocked my ass out. I ate a couple of pieces of pizza and then spent most of the day sleeping in bed with Strutter. I’m glad she’s around, even though I hate being helpless around her. It’s comforting.

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