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The Perils of Finding “The One”

I’m not an avid listener of NPR, but more because I prefer to listen to CDs that I’ve made myself than the radio.  When a CD gets old, though, I’ll flip through the stations and usually end up on NPR because I can’t stand the constant commercials of the other stations.
Today at lunch, I was listen to On Point.  The topic was the expectations of a spouse in today’s marriage.  More specifically, the dangers of making your spouse your best friend, your only confidant, and your only social partner.
It was very interesting to listen to, because I’m partly guilty of this behavior.  You could ask any of my friends how often they see me now that I’m dating Strutter and most of them would respond with, “Who is Stuckey?”  This past week is a little different.  I’ve been social outside of Strutter twice since Saturday.  But the majority of the time, she is the only person I hang out with in a day, and that’s pretty much every day.
The program introduced a few experts, all of whom voiced the same concern:  When you have only one person with whom you can talk to about all of your problems, what happens when there are problems between you and that person?  Who can you go to and talk about those problems, and be assured that they’re perfectly normal problems and everyone else has them?
I see both sides of the answer, really.
I believe that if you have problems between yourself and your partner, the first person you should converse with about them is your partner.  Maybe they don’t even realize that they chew with their mouth open.  Maybe they’re unaware that they left the toilet seat up.  Maybe they’ll converse right back with you and explain that the reason they’ve been acting differently isn’t because they’re having second thoughts, but because they’re worried that you were.  To me, communication is the number one reason that relationships succeed, and lack of communication is the number one reason they fail.
Of course, there are times in a relationship where the two of you simply want to do different things.  One of you may want to go and play toy soldiers with your friends while the other wants to stay at home and lay on the floor with the dogs and watch television.  In these situations, I think it’s best to go and do your separate things.  People need outlets, and need small breaks from one another.  (Just be aware that some of these small breaks can end up running long as shit, and before you know it, you’ve been playing toy soldiers for nine freaking hours and your legs and back are sore from standing up so long.  If this happens, make sure you call often and give updates.)
The downside to letting your friends in on you and your partners problems is that it really isn’t their business.  And if there are a lot of problems that you share with them, they will start to get a negative mental picture for your partner because that’s all that they’re hearing.  This, however, might just be my opinion.  I tend to be a quiet person and don’t really let people in all that much.
The biggest reason I found the radio show interesting is because I’ve been thinking about this subject a lot lately.  I’m planning on moving Strutter in with me, which means I’ll be seeing even more of her than I am now.  Does that mean I’ll totally withdraw from social life?  Or does it mean I’ll go back to my normal social level?
I guess we’ll find out when it happens.  🙂

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