So What is Going On?

Without emotion
Without feeling
Without love
Without hate
Breath is just a clock, ticking…
– From ‘Without Emotion’ by Combichrist

I’ve gotten a couple of emails and one text message asking why I haven’t been blogging as much lately, and why, when I do post something, it contains nothing about what’s really going on. Fair questions. Questions that I’ve put off answering.
To be perfectly honest, I’m not happy lately. I won’t go so far as to say I’m miserable, but it’s more on that side of the emotional spectrum than neutral.
Usually when I’m unhappy, I write more. This time, I’m not writing about it and I’m wondering if it’s making it harder to shake off. I don’t talk about my problems with friends. I don’t have a therapist, or a counselor, or a life coach, or any pills to make me forget that I’m unhappy…
This is my therapy. This is my medicine.
So why don’t I use it? Because one of my readers is the source of the problem. Because I had everything figured out until they pulled the rug out from under me. I can’t sleep. I can’t keep food down. I can’t focus at work. Worst of all, I can’t hate them. I can’t take it out on them. I can’t stop myself from caring.
Life would be easier without emotions. I think it might be time to turn them off again.

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