Random Thoughts on Relationships

MJ has a post that I think is rather profound, and the comments are all very good. I couldn’t really consolidate all of my thoughts on the subject (and off the subject) into a comment, so I thought I’d write about it here.

First, the post itself talks about how women are psycho because men make them that way. I can see both sides of this argument. It might be true that a man before us made them this way, and now they’re just predisposed to that behavior. I believe that there are non-psycho women, though. They’re usually the ones who haven’t had their heart broken yet, and aren’t guarded beyond repair.

Another point she makes is that if a man lets a woman push, she will push as far as possible. This is an absolute truth. I played the role of wuss in one relationship, and let her push until I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s the reason that I went into my next few relationships looking for a total submissive, and discovered that entire subculture of sin.

The problem that I have with that subculture has nothing to do with the hedonistic sex, but from the simple fact that most of the dominant people refer to their submissive partners as slaves. The word slave implies that the person has zero choice in the matter, which lessens the appeal to me. I’d much rather have a woman choose to “serve.”

So no, readers, despite the occasional BDSM tag at the bottom of a post and the fact that I dated a rich hottie who had an Asian character for “Slave” tattooed on her back, I’m not one of those guys. I did learn something from it, though, and I think that lesson was worth learning.

You can’t be a wuss in a relationship. You also can’t be in total control. Some couples might function fine in these relationships, but not me. There has to be a power exchange in order for me to be happy. I don’t want to be in charge all of the time. I don’t want to be with someone who has no ability to make decisions. I just want balance. (Or maybe something close to balance, with me being just a little more dominant than her.)

11 thoughts on “Random Thoughts on Relationships”

  1. Phantom Hater

    I might catch some flak for being a bit misogynistic, but I think the guy should be the slightly dominant one in the relationship, but not to the point of some kind of weird “master/slave” thing. People who are extremely submissive have deep personal issues. Believe me, you don’t want a woman to “serve”. It makes you feel hollow. Hedonism doesn’t work. That’s why rock stars get depressed.

    I don’t think any man or woman is guarded beyond repair. That’s why they get their heart broken repeatedly. The walls just get higher each time and you need to find ways to scale them. If they won’t let you, it just means you aren’t the one to do it.

    I think the woman can be in charge–of the dishes, and making sure my beer stays cold. lol, jk.

  2. lenfercestlesautres

    The best comment in MJ’s post is, without any doubt, “penis”.

    Actually, I just chimed in to say that a submissive in bed is not the same thing as a submissive in life.

    How’d ya like ya beer, PH?

  3. That was a very good post. Yours and hers.

    I think it’s normal and healthy to have some push and pull. One person shouldn’t always be dominant and the other submissive, etc.

  4. Virginia Belle

    yes, balance. sounds good. healthy and normal, too.

    and i’m going to be arrested by NOW for saying this, but i don’t want to be the dominant person. i kinda WANT the man to run the show.

    correction: i want the man to THINK he’s running the show.

    and wtf is “va-hee-na”?

  5. VB~
    the key is, like you said, to let the man THINK that he’s all strong and helpful and running the show…. all the while, you are the puppetmaster… mwaaaahahahhaaaa!

    as for va-hee-nuh, refer to nearly all of the comments that Stuck has been leaving me lately.

  6. Virginia Belle

    ok, shouldn’t it be pronounced “va-yi-na”???

    MJ, you speak spanish. back me up on this. i didn’t get it because the pronunciation is all wacky, even for phonetically-spelled espanol.

    stuck, i have dug through my old posts and comments re: Repo. i have found NADA in the “advice from stuck to VB” department. i have found comments and jokes, but nothing which could be interpreted as “advice”. henceforth, i would like the record to show that i have never ignored any advice from you.

    please feel free to correct me on this. i will be waiting patiently for your documented evidence to the contrary.

    *crosses legs and files fingernails patiently*

  7. Because, at the time of said advice, Repo was reportedly aware of, and reading, your blog, said advice was given in person, at Jillian’s, on a trivia night, in the presence of three witnesses. I can call forth said witnesses to testify, if you like.

  8. Phantom Hater

    You can’t advise a woman on anything. They don’t want a man’s advice. They want a man to listen and commiserate. That’s it. The worst thing you can ever do is tell a woman what she should do when she’s going on about her problems.

    So did the horse you were riding in that dream have VB’s or MJ’s face on it? Or maybe it was the gypsy.

    MJ’s pronunciation was pretty much correct, since the g would probably come out sounding like a j in spanish. I just asked my bilingual person. She looked at me kinda funny.

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