French Girl Has It Wrong :)

Len seems to think that Guy-Friends are one-step closer to kissing the girl than total strangers. I’m living proof that this is not the case. As witnesses, I call MJ and VB to the stand… I’ve got about seven others that I can line up behind them. (And no, I’m not coming on to MJ or VB, though I might have had a sex dream about one of them…)
And since I really haven’t had anything else to write about, and I did resolve to try and be more open with my readers and let you in, here is a naked fact about me that you probably didn’t know.
My penis has a name. He’s Detective Jake Steele, and he works for the Los Angeles Police Department. When most officers try the whole Good Cop/Bad Cop routine, he just plays Bad Cop by himself and kicks ass. Jack Bauer wishes he was as cool as Detective Jake Steele. (Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is still cooler.)

22 thoughts on “French Girl Has It Wrong :)”

  1. Phantom Hater

    It’s psychological. Part of initial attraction has to do with that unknown, mysterious element. A good friend, of course, doesn’t have that, and I think it’s better to retain a good friendship than mess it up with an ONS or something. I say, treasure your female friends, because they can be great assets to have, and keep them separate from the ones you pursue romantically.

    My penis never gets bad-ass names. They’re usually pretty stupid. I had one gf call it the “Baby Monkey” (she called me “Monkey”).

  2. There’s your problem. You let a GIRL name it. Have you ever met a girl with pet that had a cool name? No. They always pick something cute. So name him yourself, and introduce him as such before they can think of something girly that you’ll be stuck with.

  3. CapricornCringe

    Did either of you ever stop to think that naming your penis is a little .. um .. psychotic?

    Just sayin’

    Oh, and for the record, my pet’s name is “The Fucking Cat” … is that considered cute? 🙂

  4. lenfercestlesautres

    Now I know how it’s like to be a politician and to look at the newspaper in the morning 😉

    No, quite simply, I’m not wrong.

    And I don’t understand what penis names are for. I mean, wtf?

    And what to do girls think that name it something cute? I mean, do they hate sex?

  5. ~cap: No more psychotic than painting your toenails. I mean, really. Think about that.

    ~len: I’m pretty sure women started this trend. One of my first girlfriends tried naming mine something completely unacceptable, and that was when I dug in and came up with Jake.

    ~felecia: Yeah. Teh penis name came first. That’s why I got such a big kick out of naming the guy in Feng Shui after him.

  6. that wasn’t a dream 😉

    oh wait… it could have been VB…. (the world does not revolve around you, MJ!)

    Anyway… I suddenly developed feelings for a guy that (when I first met him) I would not have considered dating or whatever. I do have to agree, though, with the fact that the mystery of strangers is more intreguing than a guy friend… but a guy friend has a much better chance of being in it for the long haul…. or squeezing in a drunken night here and there.

  7. ~cap: Also, you are not your “typical” woman, so I’m not sure that your pet naming skills are admissible as evidence. And depending on which word you put the emphasis on, it can be rather disturbing. 😉

  8. Phantom Hater

    ~cap–All women are psychotic. I think I’ve mentioned that. Why shouldn’t you name your junk? The Unknown Soldier has been through so much with me that he deserves a name at the very least.

    Also, I forgot to tell Stuck–female friends are all well and good, but NEVER, EVER take advice concerning other women from them, especially if they are the same ones who tell their good friends that they look great in a size 2 while their muffin top is spilling out onto the floor. There are a few that will tell it like it is, but they’re rare.

  9. PH is absolutely right.
    never take advice from a girl that knows what it’s like to be a girl and what the secret meaning is behind what girls say….. take advice from your guy friend whose most intelligent sentences include “oh yeah, man… you should totally hit that”

  10. “PH is absolutely right.”
    Why thank you!

    The problem is girls are in denial about what they want and they try to bolster each other’s self-esteem, and they do it to their male friends as well. I see it on these blogs and I hear it in the world. Personally, I think gay guys are probably the most brutally honest and useful for
    practical advice.

    “You should totally hit that.” is always good advice. Always.

  11. Girls are totally, and falsely, encouraging when it comes to advice. I think MJ is probably the only brutally honest girl I know. (But that could be because she denied my friendship application, or because she’s a bi… um, Yankee.) 😉

    Slight correction to PH’s comment, though. “You should totally hit that” is always good advice when it comes from a SOBER male friend.

  12. lenfercestlesautres

    The problem is girls are in denial about what they want

    Let me tell you that it totally sucks.

    Talking of brutally honest, you haven’t met me, Stuck.

  13. Well, that puts a whole new spin on my interactions with Jake Steele. 🙂

    As for girls not being totally honest with their friends, the sad thing is a lot of times your female friends don’t want you to be honest with them. They want you to reinforce their ego, no matter if it’s a good advice or not. In my own experiences, being brutally honest with a female friend has resulted in the end of more than one friendship. In general, I’m more direct with my male friends than my female friends. Guys don’t tend to get their egos wounded as easily. They want the truth.

    As for giving guy friends advice on relationships, I might do that in a general way, but not on a specific girl, though I have been known to tell guys to run like mad from the stereotypical psycho chick.

  14. I’m wondering…. what exactly is a stereotypical psycho chick? There are SO many types!

    One man’s psycho is another man’s treasure.

  15. CapricornCringe

    Stuck, I may not be a “typical woman” but I am NOT bitter!!

    I agree with Felecia, women usually want reinforcement, not honesty (brutal or otherwise).

    MJ: One man’s psycho is another man’s treasure. LOLOLOL That’s priceless! And so true.

    And Len strikes me as one of those “untypical” women who just call it like it is.

    PS The emphasis is on “cat” you freak.

  16. “One man’s psycho is another man’s treasure”

    oooh, I like that MJ 🙂
    and I agree- who in god’s name let’s a girl name their penis?

    and can I just say how funny it is that you have a tag called “penis”. I’m going to click on it right now and see just how many times you’ve written about it!!

  17. Virginia Belle

    Oh. My. Gawd.

    i don’t even know where to begin with this comment.

    guy friends having a chance at kissing girls?

    possible sex dreams about me?

    possible sex dreams about my friend?

    or the fact that you have a whole identity for your penis?

    my brain is spinning. don’t do this to people, stuck!!!!

    just for the record, you are correct, though. a stranger has a better shot at kissing a girl than her guy friends do. that’s why they are “guy friends”. if they had a shot, they would be “boyfriends”.


    exception: if the girl has a crush on her guy friend and can’t seem to get him to realize it.

    guy pals reside in The Friend Zone. cute strangers reside in The Smooching Potential Zone. These two locations have vastly different zip codes.

    then again, that’s me. some girls end up dating a lot of their guy pals. i don’t get it, but i’m saying there is hope.

    i don’t understand this whole naming-of-the-penis thing. i don’t do it. i think dirty words sound better than any nickname would.

    and yes, women want unconditional ego-support. i will be the first to admit that. however, on occasion, i will be brutally honest. usually when i think my friend is making a total ass of themselves.

    i should add a tag to mine that says “i love dick”


    only, there would be like, um, one post, because i never get any.

    so about that sex dream……

    you gonna spill or what???? you are such a tease, stuckey.

  18. lenfercestlesautres

    that’s why they are “guy friends”. if they had a shot, they would be “boyfriends”.

    Fine, I’m gonna open a subscription list for my harem.

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