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The Slow Approach versus The Fast Approach

Way back, I have a couple of posts discussing The Approach, which is that initial walk-up and Icebreaker to introduce yourself to a person you’re interested in. There are several tried-and-true methods for this, and there are volumes upon volumes written about it.
Once again, VB has fueled my brain with a topic for discussion. She has a guy using the Slow Approach on her, and she can’t stand it. She even advises her readers not to be that guy. As I often do, I’m going to disagree with her. 🙂
The Fast Approach is designed for a public setting, such as a bar or a club. You walk up, neg your target, demonstrate your value, and close the deal. I make it sound so romantic, don’t I? But that’s sort of my point. Any approach in a public setting actually lessens the vaue of the meeting to me. You don’t really get to know them because your too distracted. The Fast Approach has one MAJOR advantage, though, which I will get into.
The Slow Approach is one in which you have several conversations over the course of a week or two, and really get to know the person before you decide whether or not you want to date them. More often than not, you’re not even considering the idea of a date at the beginning. It could just be the forming of a friendship that you decide to take to the next step.
Becoming friends with a girl is apparently a crime. Rather than serving time in prison, however, you get sent to The Friend Zone. I’ve talked about this several times before, because I’m one of the most TFZed people in the world. Once you’re in this zone, odds are really high that you’re never advancing beyond it.
Despite the female feedback, though, I still maintain that the Slow Approach is the best method for a lasting relationship. (And considering that most of the women who tell me it’s not are unmarried, I can dismiss their expert opinion as easily as they can mine.) I believe that you HAVE to be friends first. Best friends, even. Down the road, when the shit hits the fan and you’re at each others’ throats (figuratively… if you’re literally at each others’ throats, then maybe you should walk away) it’s going to be the friendship that pulls you back together.
I am sure that thinking this way puts me in the minority… but I also think that successful marriages are in the minority, which gives me some hope. I’m not a divorcing type of guy, so I’m going to take as much time as I need to find a woman to spend forever with.
DISCLAIMER: To all of my female friends – I am NOT macking on you. The idea of having sex with you is just as creepy to me as it is to you. Ok, maybe not JUST as creepy, but I promise I’ll let you know if I decide to start thinking about you naked.

4 thoughts on “The Slow Approach versus The Fast Approach”

  1. lenfercestlesautres

    I’m totally with you.

    Just one thing, I actually HAVE been thinking about a bunch of my male friend naked and I’m pretty sure they have, too.

  2. What-evah! Would you really tell a friend-girl that you imagine her naked?

    I just assume that all of my guy friends have thought about me that way. Even for maybe 1 millisecond. An ex boyfriend explained that fact to me.

  3. Stop disagreeing with me!!!!!

    it’s irritating.

    especially when i know i’m right. here’s why.

    disclaimer: this only applies to cynical girls like me. which i believe is about 50% of women.

    the reason why you don’t want to do the slow approach is…

    ok, dammit, this is too long for a comment. i just have to post my answer on my blog.

  4. Team Richardson

    Boy has it been a while since I’ve had time to read your blog…

    At any rate, I absolutely agree with you on the whole slow approach thing. Approaching my third year of marriage (and seventh year as best friends with my wife) I can easily attest to the success of the slow approach. In fact… everyone I know, who is married, obviously succeeded with the slow approach.

    –XY
    P.S. I think I might have some good blog / podcast material for our once-dead blog. The resurrection is coming.

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