Sick and Tired…

If I’ve been quiet lately, it’s because I’ve been fighting off Death for the past two weeks. Apparently I’ve been struck by karma for all that smoking I did in October, because I’ve got a chest cold that I simply can’t get rid off. It doesn’t help that the weather can’t make up it’s mind…
Anyway, I was reading a post by MJ and it got those wheels in my brain turning. She and her roomie went out for an evening and ended up spending a good portion of it talking with a man they found boring. Rather than excusing themselves, they actually bolted when he went to the restroom. This bothers me.
I’ve never had a girl ditch me like that, but I’ve seen it happen a few times. I’ve been the recipient of the other denial, though. I say the other denial because I have really only seen two effective methods that women employ to show they’re not interested.
The first method is The Vanishing Act. Wait until the man is distracted, and vanish. Perfectly effective, as long as you don’t bump into him again later and have to make up an excuse.
The second method is The Slam. You’re not really interested, so you insult him. You know next to nothing about this guy, and you slam him hard in order to get your point across immediately. Effective, yes. But seriously rude.
Notice that I said I’ve only seen two “effective” methods. There are others, but I don’t see them work very often. You could ignore him, of course, pretending that you don’t notice him trying to get your attention. You could drop some hints, such as checking your watch constantly or making cell phone calls during conversation. You could blatantly state your disinterest and walk away, which is a method I’ve probably only seen once or twice. Ironically enough, this is the method I’d prefer someone use on me.
But there are men out there, probably a lot of men out there, who simply don’t give up. They don’t get the hints. They don’t realize you’re bored. They make excuses in their head for why you’re constantly on your cell phone. They think they still have a chance.
Why is this? Is it because they’re desperate? Drunk? Both? Or is it because in between phone calls and watch-checks, they’re getting unintentional feedback that makes them think you might be interested?
I will be the first man to admit that I do not understand what women are thinking. I can not read minds. I do not pick up on hints very often. This has been evidenced on several occasions when a woman I’m with will point out that someone else just flirted me. It’s always pointed out after the fact, when there’s nothing I can flipping do about it, too.
Because I do not pick up on innuendo and suggestion fro females, I take what they say at face value. This is probably why I’d prefer a woman tell me she’s not interested. Because I would believe her.
Other men, though, might believe they have a tenuous grasp on what women are thinking, and manipulate the words in their mind to fit their misunderstanding. “I’m not interested” becomes “I’m going to see if you’re willing to put some effort into this pickup.”
It’s crazy, I know. But this entire situation has arisen because women habitually say one thing while thinking another. If women always spoke their minds, we wouldn’t have men trying to figure out their secret code.
Before I leave, though, I’d like to direct you to these Guidelines for a Platonic Friendship. It’s a pretty good set of rules.

1 thought on “Sick and Tired…”

  1. my steps include:

    1. try to drop hints that i’m really not interested: talk to everyone but him, excuse myself to the bathroom, give one-word answers to questions, check my watch, make calls on my cell, etc.

    2. if he doesn’t get it, i try to be a little more obvious: i flat-out refuse any drinks he buys me, i start to get a little short, i stop laughing at his jokes and asking him questions. at this point, i’m getting a little annoyed.

    3. if he keeps on, this is when i decide which kind of guy he is: the kind who honestly thinks i’m just playing hard to get OR the kind of guy who just doesn’t have a clue. if the former, he gets slammed. if he’s the latter, he gets a polite, “thank you. it was nice meeting you. but i’m just not interested.”

    i save the slams for the pompous guys who are full of themselves and have an attitude that reeks of “there’s no way she could resist ME!”

    i do not slam often. i think i’ve done it maybe twice. i reserve it for the prime assholes.

    but i have to say, if i had been w/MJ and KT that night, their solution probably would have sounded good to me. i know that’s bad. but sometimes it’s hard to be honest w/someone you know you’re never going to see again. *shrugs*

    as far as interpreting female behavior goes, don’t feel bad. i read somewhere that guys who are flirting exhibit about 5 different body language/intonation signs. on the other hand, women exhibit about 100. i would say good rule of thumbs include:

    –the girl exposes the back of her neck needlessly. i read somewhere that girls who are flirting do this. and i’ve caught myself doing it when talking to cute guys. so they might be on to something.

    –flipping their hair. a lot.

    –very long sustained eye contact. but you probably already know that.

    –touching. initiated by her. a lot of touching.

    –a woman who is flirting w/you will probably make perverted jokes/sexual innuendo comments. (then again, that might just be me…)

    –teasing is always good. you only tease people you like.

    –if you see a girl look to see if you are wearing a wedding ring, you are GOLDEN. she’s definitely checking you out.

    –i don’t do this one, but i’ve seen a lot of girls do this: they will talk about their schedules and casually mention that they are free on a certain night. or they really want to go see a certain movie.

    –they ask you lots of questions. lots and lots. and ignore everyone else at the table. they might even ignore their ringing cell phone.

    if i think of any more, i’ll let you know. and i PROMISE that i will tell you right away if someone is flirting w/you. what’s the point of telling you after the fact???

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