Wednesday Night Break-Up (Heavy Petting)

Last night continued the series in what has become a regular Wednesday Night, break up the week, event. Team Richardson and myself were joined by the lovely and talented Virginia Belle. She has also made a guest appearance last week, so I suppose she’s in the club now. Since the four of us are all bloggers, the primary topic of conversation was easy: Relationships. VB and myself are single, so we tend to be the ones posing questions to the married couple. VB had the most questions, since she’s currently “pursuing” a man, and we gave honest answers. She would call it a BS-Free Zone, whereas that concept is foreign to me, since I consider the entire world to be one. The questions were good, though, and I figured I’d get some input from you, readers, as well as post my own answers. I’ll come back to them in a minute.
First, there was one other thing that came up during the night that had me most thoughtful. Virginia, like everyone else, has a list of requirements for her ideal mate. One of those requirements is a college degree. Now, I’m not passing judgment, or saying she’s a snob, or anything like that. I can actually understand the logic behind this requirement. She feels that a college degree would increase the likelihood of the man being an intellectual, and able to hold his own in a conversation of the mind.
I don’t think that a college degree is needed for that, and I’m going to use myself as an example. I went to college for the wrong reason. I went there to get a job. I majored in Computer Engineering, even though I didn’t want to be one. After two years, I decided that I was wasting money and time, and didn’t enroll for a third year. I’m still well-read. I’m able to pose thought-provoking questions, and able to answer them. I’m willing to admit that I’m a minority in the non-degree crowd, though.
My problem with a college degree is that out of everyone I know that has one, only a few are doing anything with them. Most of them have the same level of job that I have, at the same level of pay. So what’s my real incentive to go back and get one, the hope that I can advance my career? I don’t want to be a manager. I like what I do. It’s fun to solve problems for a living. It’s fun to fix things. Should I go back and get the degree just to get it? Is the lack of a degree keeping me from meeting a certain class of woman? It bears pondering.
And lastly, before I move on to the questions, I have to say that this Break-Up nights are very enjoyable to me. I love the company, the conversation, the pool, and the trivia. Virginia Belle is a pool shark. Thank God she was on my team, because I was terrible last night. (I blame it on the constant distraction of watching every head in the place turn anytime VB bent over the table to make a shot.)
And now… the questions. Disclaimer: I do not speak for all men.
1) Do you have a schedule for sex, such as “I will get to first base one the second date, second base on the fourth date, and in bed on the sixth?”
No. Sex should happen when the moment is right. To have a set timeline for it would cheapen the deal. Something I will add, though, is that my opinion of a woman’s virtue will not change if she gives it up on the first date. (This is historically proven in my relationships.) The only real problem is that sex become something to do instead of go out.
2) If men are so damn horny, what are the possible reasons for a man turning down a booty call from a woman?
They’re with someone else at the time. They don’t have a high opinion of your bedroom skills. They simply aren’t interested in sex at the time. Allow me to disprove the myth that men are always horny. We aren’t. I think women are much hornier than men.
3) Is it called a break-up because it’s broken? Or can two people successfully reunite?
I believe it’s possible, but I’m a minority. I think it’s important to remain friends after a break-up, so I try not have the explosive, bridge-burning type of split.
4) What is the difference between getting comfortable in a relationship and taking someone for granted?
My original answer to this question was “Laziness.” I’m going to explain it, though. When you become so lazy in a relationship that you expect things from your partner, you’ve become too lazy. It’s at this point that you stop thanking them for the little favors they do. In your head, you justify it by telling yourself that they didn’t do it for the thanks. The reality of it is that you should thank them forever, and they should thank you as well for the favors you do.
5) How do you know when you are in love?
This is a harder question than I originally thought. There are several symptoms, but they don’t always mean you’re in love. So I’m going to go with the Zen answer, and say that you just know.  (Maybe I’ve never been in love, though.  How would I know if I wasn’t?)
6) We all know the typical Hollywood romantic chase scene, such as Richard Gere driving into the ghetto screaming “Princess Vivien!” in Pretty Woman. Do men actually do this sort of thing?
Hollywood writers needs to be dragged into the street and shot. They raise the bar for so many female expectations. Worse yet, they’ve covered just about every possible scenario, so a guy who DOES go out of the way to be romantic will usually look like he’s duplicating something he saw in a movie.
7) Do you plan your love life the way you would plan for your job? Do you make it happen, or do you let it happen?
I’ve tried being aggressive and passive, and have found that the relationships that happen on their own are much more satisfying. So I think that I’m not planning anything. If I die alone, so be it, but I won’t force myself into a relationship just to avoid it.
8) How would your Significant Other know that they did a good job in bed?
This is a tricky question, and every man probably has a different answer to it. In my case, I’ll say something. I don’t believe in false flattery, nor do I believe in sparing feelings in matters of the heart, so she will know that the praise is genuine. If she’s bad, assuming the rest of the relationship is great, I’m going to offer suggestions and “train” her to make her better.
9) Do you give tests when you are dating? The example VB gave was The Bathroom Test. She’ll peek in her man’s bathroom and look for any metrosexual signs, such as scented body lotion, a loofa instead of soap, etc. If the man isn’t a “manly man” then that’s a Dealbreaker for her.
To me, a test is something you create to put your SO into a situation and see how they react. Do I do this? Absolutely not. Tests are games, and I don’t play. If I want to know something, I ask. If she lies, she’ll prove it through her actions, not through some test I create for her.
As for observations, such as the Bathroom Test, yeah, I guess I do. I don’t have any Dealbreaker tests, though. Ideally, I want to find a woman who sings the guitar parts with a song. A friend of mine and I made the observation many years ago that only guys do this. It’s impossible to describe in text, because I can’t actually sing here… but I’m going to try:
Ask any women how the song Purple Haze, by Jimi Hendrix, goes. She will typically answer with “Purple Haze all in my brain…” Ask a man, and most of them will answer with “Bom Bum. Bom Bum. Bom Bum. Wha na na naaaaaaa! Whaa naa na naaaaa!” (This is making the vocal impression of the guitar intro.)
My Guitar Test is a silly one… but the kind of woman who sings the guitar part will almost always have all the other qualities I’m looking for in a woman.

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