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“I’ve Got This Friend…”

It’s been over a week since I posted, so I’ll post two today. (Ha! Like there’s a big demand for Stuckey-insights or something.)
So Friday night was a blast, but I failed to mention one small detail that ran through my head off and on through the weekend. On the trip down to Augusta, my phone rang. It’s a friend who has someone who they’d like me to meet. *dramatic music incoming*
According to my friend, this girl fits “the profile” that I apparently look for in women. While it’s true that all the girls I’ve dated were short and tiny, I always figured it was a coincidence and not some unconscious profile-matching. To reinforce my belief that it’s coincidence, allow me to tell you a secret. Out of all of my relationships (Five, in total) and dating (Eleven or so), only one of them was initiated by me. The rest were all started by the girl or, in three cases, a mutual friend. (The reason it’s a secret is because it means out of all the women I’ve asked on a date, all but one shot me down.)
So anyway, she fits this cosmically-coincidental profile. I guess this is good, because it means she’s probably attractive. Am I shallow? Probably, but I’m honest about it. Physical attraction is important in a blind date situation, because you have no other basis for forming an opinion of someone you’ve just met. It’s ironic that I believe this, because I’m a pretty average-looking guy.
So the next step is that I call her. I pick up the phone, dial her number, and talk to a complete stranger. How is this even remotely reasonable? The only upside to this phone call is that I know in advance that she’ll agree to see me. (And even that isn’t really guaranteed.) The purpose of this phone call is to designate a meeting time and secure a location.
So where is a good spot for that? A movie is right out, since you can’t really talk to each other. Dinner is fine, but if the conversation is good, where do you head to once dinner is eaten? Maybe I’ve just not explored Columbia enough to find the secret “nice places” that abound within our city.
Phone call finished, you have the date. Compared to this, this phone call is a cake walk. This is where you have one evening to present yourself as an amazing person, hope the other falls for it, and secure the desire for a second date. (God, I’m such a romantic, aren’t I?) Now there is some magic trick to this, because you have to make small talk and reveal very little about yourself, while at the same time cultivate the other person’s interest just enough to get them wanting to know more. You can not, I repeat, can NOT reveal too much about yourself, lest they run for the door.
Two strangers alone at a table together, trying to find out about the other person while revealing little about themselves. It’s going to be interesting. Awkward… but interesting.
My point (yes, I do have a point) is that the whole “Blind Date” situation needs on overhaul. Here is my outline for an ideal blind date:
1- Invite the mark (the person you want to set your friend up with) to a social gathering where you know your friend will be. Try to have friends of both people present. Do not inform the mark or the friend that you are doing this on purpose.
2- At this gathering, introduce the two. Coverse briefly, and then vanish to refill your drink, leaving the two to talk.
3- Return to the couple and feel out whether or not they spoke while you were gone. If so, your work may be done here. If not, talk to each of them in the presence of the other, and give them a chance to be shine in that conversation, since they are familiar with you.
4- Walk away. Let them continue to talk, or mingle, or go their own separate ways. If they are interested in the other, they will let you know afterwards. (Probably by asking if the other person is single.)
5- Arrange for them to swap numbers. At this point, they’ve met, they’ve talked, and they’ve expressed an interest in doing it again since they swapped numbers.
I think this outline takes a lot of the awkardness and pressure out of the situation, don’t you?

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