Be Yourself

There’s a great website for Columbia folks to keep up with the local scene called Columbia Tunes. ( On this website, there is a weekly column called ‘Single in this City’ by Aubrey Jenkins. It’s probably the highlight of my work-time browsing every Monday. Recently, she set out and gathered up a bunch of “rules” that people have about the dating game. Some of them were good, but some I didn’t agree with. So I thought, to celebrate my renewed participation in thie Dating Game, I’d thought I’d set my rules early. It surprises me how much they’ve changed over the past five years.
1) Be honest. I’m honest to a fault, and it gets me in trouble quite a bit. If I’m not planning on seeing you again, I’m not going to give you the “I’ll call” line. I expect the same level of honesty in return.
2) Don’t fight me over who pays. I’m a dinosaur when it comes to paying for dates. I’ve been called a sexist pig over it. I was raised to believe the man pays for the date. I also hold doors for ladies. Contrary to popular beliefe, I expect nothing in return for picking up the tab or holding the door. I’m doing it because it’s the nice thing to do. Maybe I’ll let you pay for the third date.
3) Don’t sleep with me on the first date. I repeat, do not let me into your pants on Date Number One. I can be charming. I can be witty. I can be clever. This has had the effect of a few first dates ending up in bed, and I think that was the biggest mistake of those failed relationships. Sex becomes something to do if you aren’t careful with it. (“What do you wanna do?” “I dunno. What do you wanna do?” “Well, we could put in a movie and make out.”) Don’t get me wrong. I’m no prude. But I’m not looking for a sex buddy. If I just wanted sex, I could get that without nearly as many rules.
4) Have an opinion about everything, (okay, almost everything) and don’t hesitate to share it. So many people are afraid to offend their dates with their opinions, and I can’t understand it. Your opinions make up who you are, and to hide that is to hide yourself. We’re there to find out if we get along, and that requires we share our ideas and opinions. Someone who doesn’t have any opinions comes across as someone who either has something to hide, or someone who doesn’t have the mental capacity to form opinions, which is worse.
5) I we hit it off, expect me to call the next day. One of my biggest pet peeves is this belief that there is a Mandatory Waiting Period after the first date or after the acquisition of a phone number. If you think calling the next day makes one appear desperate, then you’re not probably not worth calling. (See? I’m brutally honest.)
6) The kiss doesn’t have to be on the first date. The First Kiss is always a huge nervous point for me. You can tell a tremendous amount about a person from the way they kiss, and I think the first kiss should be reserved for the right moment, not handed out on her doorstep at the end of the night.
I’m sure this will be modified as the weeks roll on, but it’s time to punch the clock and get myself downtown.

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